I’m discovering a new attitude toward prayer. Lately we’ve been looking for answers, answers for selling our house or not, replacing cars or fixing them, baby names, starting a lifegroup or joining one, etc.

Last Sunday morning I met with a group of men and we were all sharing some prayer requests. One of the guys said that he didn’t know what to do about a situation and one of the guys teased, “you’ve tried nothing and nothing worked, huh?” I realized that was me. When times are good I thank God, when times are bad I question him. My attitude is based on my situation. I got tired of it this week. I wanted answers and I wanted them now. But, I’ve not done anything to get the answers except throw up my hands and be pissed off.

A picture flashed in my mind, a couple actually. The first was Uma Thurman from Kill Bill 2 when she was training with the kung fu master and he kept shutting her down and making her do the small hard tasks that eventually led to her mastery, then Ralph Macchio in all three Karate Kids. Its the same way in the military (never been in, but, “Welcome Home,” to everyone who has). They get rid of the old you and then build you back up. I’m expecting Christ to change me but I’m not doing anything to change me. “If you love me you’ll keep my commandments” It hit me, what Eldredge, Groeschel, Neil Anderson, and others have all been saying in the books I’ve been reading. If you want to hear from God you have to read the Word he sent. So, I’ve adjusted my day to start 1 1/2 – 2 hours earlier and am reading the bible. And listening to it on my iPod. Just the Bible, trying not to listen to a bunch of preachers or reading the bible notes, just the meat.

My new attitude is to shut up and wait. To be observant, I don’t need God to “speak” to me I want to be open enough to feel the “flow” of what he’s doing around me and then be able to move where he’s guiding me. Kind of like the force but knowing that there is a “Force” that loves me, purposed me, and is looking out for me, wherever I end up. But I won’t be open to that unless I’m in the Word.

I haven’t stopped talking to God and I’m asking more questions than ever, but I’m not “questioning” If you catch my meaning. I’m not asking “Why,” I’m asking, “should I do this, or this?”  ” What do you want me to learn here?” “What am I to learn here?”

What do you think?  Should I be acting like David and mad at God when things are against me? or Should I be the willing pupil?

Click here for Part 1

The problem with writing a blog like this is that you can’t mention that you’re going through a rough patch and then not follow up on it to let readers know what’s going on. Ok, so here’s my follow up. There’s a new leak in the roof, our savings are at a 2 year low, and I haven’t heard from the family…

However, I’m doing much better in my spirit. Here’s what I’ve done to bring about some change:

I talked to my wife, actually, we had a big confrontation that ended up with me getting real about a lot of stuff I’ve been holding in. One of the comments that I think triggered some change was, “I think we should forget about being married and work on being honest with each other.” It was in the context that we’d been “weather proofing” the other from our feelings about things (mostly me) and I wanted/needed her to know what was going on in my head. We talked it all the way through to some steps to take to change.

I’ve also taken the opportunity to go into deeper conversation with friends. A couple of guys called when they read the first post and I swallowed my pride and let them share what I was going through. I think the Bible calls that “Bearing one another’s burdens,” and you don’t know what it fully means until you start letting others help you with yours. Typically we only take other’s burdens we don’t want to give ours, that only opens us up to half the blessing (there’s a sermon in there somewhere).

One of those steps is that I’ve started meeting with God in the mornings, at least for now I’m inviting him and I’m reading the Bible. I think I’m hearing from him but I’m not sure, I’m trusting that I’ll be walking on faith for a while and then at some point he’ll confirm it. Its odd that I can trust him for my salvation but I don’t trust him to care about my life. After all why would he care to “save” me if he didn’t like me?

As a result I’ve found the ability to be thankful 1. that we had the ability to get debt free a few years ago and now we’ve had the money to pay for a majority of the car repairs (about $2300 $3000 so far). 2. We were able to take a great vacation with old friends and recharge. 3. I work for some great people, there are much worse ways to make a living. There are more but I won’t gush. Suffice it to say: I can see the good side.

Next, Like I said in the last post, I started reading (listening) to Walking with God, by John Eldredge. Its one of those books that as you read it you start thinking of the people you’re going to buy it for. It is quickly climbing the charts as one of the most important books I’ve ever read. I’ll give you a book report when I’m done.

Lastly, One of the steps Vicki and I discussed was me getting back in with a group of men to meet with regularly. We’re really tight with our couple’s “lifegroup” and for the past little while I’ve been counting the guys in there as my “Men’s Group.” That doesn’t work. Conversation with them is typically in front of the ladies and doesn’t get to the core where it should. Even when we do have a deeper discussion its not often enough to keep after the issues and they fade rather than getting dealt with.