like a man who looks at his face in a mirror24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

One foot in the old and one foot in the new just swaying back and forth when I get too far to one side and remember to adjust. I have no memory. I can wake up and have a great outlook on God and my life but then get distracted and forget about all that is good. Oppressed by darkness without a clue on how to return to the light.

There is a great article over at XXXChurch.com today… “Fake It Till You Make It,” by Danny Bias I put more of my comments (the happy ending) there.

I bet you never thought of giving your kids Porn for Christmas. I’m pretty sure you’re not planning on putting the latest Porn DVD’s in your kids stocking or wrapping up a 1-year subscription to Hustler and putting that under the Christmas tree. But you still may be getting your kids porn for Christmas… full article

Kevin points out some ways to keep the devices we sometimes give at Christmas from becoming gateways to porn. However the best way to keep porn out of your kids life is for you to be in your kids life.

You were made a man on purpose– so you could protect your children from porn.

I have been forming this series of posts for about a month now and God has been bringing new insights and confirmations every day (even on bad days).

Today I received my Daily Eldredge email and it gave insight into addiction:

Whatever the object of our addiction is, it attaches itself to our intense desire for eternal and intimate communion with God and each other in the midst of Paradise—the desire that Jesus himself placed in us before the beginning of the world. Nothing less than this kind of unfallen communion will ever satisfy our desire or allow it to drink freely without imprisoning it and us. Once we allow our heart to drink water from these less-than-eternal wells with the goal of finding the life we were made for, it overpowers our will, and becomes, as Jonathan Edwards said, “like a viper, hissing and spitting at God” and us if we try to restrain it. . . “Addiction is the most powerful psychic enemy of humanity’s desire for God,” says Gerald May in Addiction and Grace, which is no doubt why it is one of our adversary’s favorite ways to imprison us. Once taken captive, trying to free ourselves through willpower is futile. Only God’s Spirit himself can free us or even bring us to our senses.  (The Sacred Romance , 133–34.  John Eldredge)

This is where we will be going in our path to freedom . . . God.

If you want to include this resource in your daily walk just go to RansomedHeart.com, make a profile and sign up for the Daily Readings.

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Matt Redman – You Never Let Go
From the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious

• The Daily Audio Bible plays phone calls of people asking for prayer requests from the community.  At least 3 different men have called in over the past few weeks to share of their struggles with pornography & masturbation (see #lust).
• This article in Today’s Christian Woman on women sharing their stories of internet porn addiction (#lust)
• I could go on and on, but I’m sure you’ve heard them too.

I’m sorry to say that there is not a magical set of principals that you can follow that will fix this addiction. Sure you can put an internet filter and accountability software on all the computers you use (I definitely recommend this. You can find more information on the “Content Filters” section of this site), you can meet regularly with an accountability partner (assuming you’re gonna drop your pride, take a real risk and be really honest with what’s going on in you), read a book, go to sites like xxxChurch, read blogs and promise yourself you will never do it again.  These are all really good things!   You will most likely have some success, even “sobriety” for a time.  But it will not last.

Why?   Why don’t these strategies work long term?  Everything mentioned to this point are behavioral, they don’t attack the real problem in our hearts in our wounds.  We all have issues (problems, ways of looking at the world, etc) that have brought us to this point and have led us to be a lustful person rather than a loving person.  You must have been wondering earlier why the “#lust” tag on the end of statements.  Because lust isn’t just a thing that we do, it’s a way we begin to see our world, that leads us to our choices.

I want real freedom, if you are reading this, I assume you are looking for a way out . . . a way to freedom.  To find that way we need to take off the glasses we have used to perceive the world (#lust, #wounds, #issues), so we can begin to see what the Creator really meant when He created us and, in that, begin to see the path to freedom.

“Where are the resources?” you may ask and you are correct to do so – but it isn’t as simple as a few (or even a hundred) things you can read, listen to or meditate on.   In my next installment I will begin to share some of the resources that have helped me in my struggles to take off the glasses I’ve built and some of the pitfalls I’ve experienced along the way.

First off, I really have to hand it to my wife, Vicki- and no, she doesn’t read this so I’m not fishing- The woman hasn’t had a full nights sleep in about 7 or 8 months. Pregnancy was a picnic compared to getting up every 3-4 hours for feedings or pumping, or just to roll him over because he gets fussy at 3 am. I help too but she’s definitely better at hearing him in her sleep than I am. Oh, by the way, the pediatrician’s definition of “sleeping through the night” is 5 hours not 8. Luckily he is sleeping much longer these days so the rest is coming back slowly but surely. So, she hasn’t gotten much sleep, and she’s juggling work and home-life –

And, there is this incredible amount of stuff that you have to have when you have a baby (don’t fret, you get most of it at your baby showers, make sure you invite anyone you and your spouse and your parents and grandparents and you last roommates ever knew to your shower). You tell yourself that you won’t be that family that needs a U-haul just to go to the grocery store. But, unless you’re just strapping your baby over your shoulder then you need somewhere for them to sit, lie down, ride, and sleep. Most of that takes place strapped into the car seat for the first few months. Car seats (sometimes called baby carriers in the baby books) are good for toting, and popping up on top of shopping carts, in and out at church, RIDING AROUND THE BLOCK HUNDREDS OF TIMES WHEN YOU CAN’T GET THEM TO STOP CRYING, and you’ll want to strap toys to it so they are accessible and don’t fall on the ground.

So, you’ve got a car seat, mostly because its the law but partially because it keeps them from rolling around in the fast food bags in the floorboard. TIP: Most hospitals won’t let you leave until you show them your car seat so put it in the trunk of the car before you go for the delivery (clean out your trunk too, you’ll need it for lots of stuff later.) HAVE A TRAINED PRO install your seat or at least check it after you’ve installed it ie. Police officers, Firefighters, and EMTs are a good place to start.

Car seat = half  of your backseat is gone for a couple of years + you’ll get very tired of flipping the seat forward so start saving up for a 4 door, and if you can get one that is up off the ground a bit, like say, a crossover kind of thing then go for that (at least a V6, a 4 banger just can’t pull anything bigger than a go-cart. (Where are you going to get the money for this??? See this post) So, the car seat snaps down into the stroller, and you’ll have to carry that around too, hence the trunk cleaning. We have a Kia Sportage. God sent it to us at a great deal so we don’t complain, however, if we were looking for something these are some of the things we’d look for in a baby vehicle.

I like small and aero-dynamic so it saves on gas. Driving a box shaped vehicle in the Oklahoma wind is not fun. Saving on gas is great but like I said if you want something bigger than a breadbox get a 6 cylinder. Easily accessible trunk or tailgate with as much space as you can afford. Big rear doors, enough leg room so that the front seats don’t scrub on the car seat when its installed. If  you get one with a door/tailgate kind of thing that most SUVs have- get one without the tire that has to swing open before you open the door. If not you’ll have to have your hands empty and a very wide space to get everything open. Oh, and if you can, 2001 and newer models have built in lower anchors and/or tethers. Here is the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) “Car Safety Seats: A Guide for Families 2009″ The Sportage is a good choice, it has a large rear space and it sits up high (gets tedious bending to put the seat into a car that’s low to the ground), and it has 4-wheel drive which is going to be nice this winter, I just wish it had a more powerful engine to pull the 4×4, us and our stuff driving into the wind.  If we hadn’t gotten the Kia we were going to get an Isuzu Rodeo. Its the same exact car as the Honda Pilot just with different branding and it was in the $4000-$5000 range for a 2002-4 model depending on the equipment. I don’t encourage you to spend money just making a recommendation if that’s where you happen to be.

In restaurants you’ll find the carseat indispensible. It keeps the baby strapped in place so you can eat. Sometimes they get fussy and want out but usually not before you’ve had a chance to get a couple of bites down. Safety tips in resaurants: DONT use a flipped over high chair as a car seat base. They are highly unstable and tip over very easily. You will be tempted and the server or host will tell you that people do it all the time. Don’t give in! The seat will fit great in a booth with the front on the table and the back against the booth back (only in places where the table doesn’t move). Slings are great in restaurants, they have two nylon staps that the support the seat and will accept most any shape.

So, what’s the take-away from all this: The Carseat and stroller have the potential to cost you $5160, depending on the stroller you choose.

Any other dads got any Carseat / baby vehicle suggestions? Leave a comment to share.

Jesus Loves You This I Know: Craig Gross & Jason Harper

I had this crazy Christian roommate in college named Ethan. One night while I was diligently studying, as I was oft to do, he busts through the door to our room and shouts, “Hey, you’ve got some sandwich stuff in the fridge, right?” all loud and out of breath like he’d just run all the way home starving.
“Sure.” I said.
So, he makes the sandwich and heads for the door. “Hey, where are you going?” I asked.
“Oh, its not for me, its for this homeless guy outside.”
I was pissed. Ethan was welcome to it but not some homeless guy outside. Its been 14 years and I’m not sure if I’ve learned my lesson yet.

Oh, I know what the lesson is, and I can tell you why I should have gotten up and gone with him but I didn’t. The whole point of this “Life” thing is love. Most of us stop at God’s message of forgiveness and miss that His goal- the reason he had to forgive us- is to connect with us. For Him to love us and for us to love Him, and in turn, each other.

As the “Church” when there are discrepancies between what we preach and the way we act – what I mean is, when we say “Jesus loves you,” but then we ACT LIKE JERKS, CUT PEOPLE OFF IN TRAFFIC WITH A JESUS FISH ON THE BUMPER, AND DON’T LEAVE A DECENT TIP AT SUNDAY LUNCH FOR THE SINGLE MOTHER BUSTIN HER… I digress- people end up turning their backs on us hypocrites, and in turn reject Christ because they see how his followers treat them with disdain. I have a very hard time with this behavior because I am a very large Jerk (more like an Ass but “Christians” shouldn’t talk that way). If I don’t find value in you then I start looking for your faults and then I use those faults to separate myself from you. The insane part is that I feel my calling is as an “encourager,” my new name I’ve been given is “Barnabas,” (more on that later). So, which side of the battle is helped more when I indulge in my Jerkness?

To My/Our Aid:

Craig Gross and Jason Harper of XXXChurch.com (you remember, “The #1 Christian Porn Site” have written a new book that talks to two groups of people, those who’ve never known Jesus’ love and those who are supposed to know it but don’t show it so well (Perhaps that’s just one group of people afterall). Each chapter deals with people of a specific personality type, situation, or circumstance and reveals how Jesus loves them and how I can begin to show them love (remember “Side Hugs” only for the ladies).  The stories in each chapter are stirring, inspiring, and strangely practical. As I read I kept thinking over and over, “I could do that,” or “That would be easy I wish I’d thought of it.”

To quote the book’s introduction:

“Jesus Loves You.
The all-encompassing “you” means that the love of Jesus leaves no one out. We hope this book will compel people to see that, regardless of where they have been or what they have gone through, there is a love that endures all things.

If you’re forgotten… love finds.
If you’re broken … love mends.
If you’re an outcast … love includes.
No matter what … believe us, love works.

If you have been a Christian for a while, we want to help you review the footsteps of Jesus… rethink his approach to a hurting humanity and strive to live it out…”

From a guy some of us have heard of:

“Did you sing the song Jesus Loves Me when you were a kid? For most of us, it is so much easier to embrace Christ’s love when we’re
young. Then sin, shame, and guilt get in the way. Jesus Loves You . . . This I Know brings a powerful perspective to the biblical truth of
the undeserving, unending, beautiful love of Jesus. You’ll be inspired, motivated, and challenged to actively pursue others with the passionate love of the Savior.”
—Craig Groeschel, author of Confessions of a Pastor and Chazown

Learn more about the book here: http://www.jesuslovesyou.net/#about
More about the movement: www.jesuslovesyou.net
Watch videos here: http://www.jesuslovesyou.net/#watch
Follow them on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jesusheartsu

I know there haven’t been many posts lately with the birth and the redesign but that doesn’t mean you guys haven’t been on my mind. I’ll be easing back into the posting soon enough. Meanwhile go check out the latest podcasts from John and the guys at Ransomed Heart Ministries. http://www.ransomedheart.com/goingdeeper/podcasts.aspx

Proverbs 22:7, “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave of the lender” (NRSV)

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has wanted to quit a job but was unable to because he couldn’t pay next months bills. I’d even dare say that I’m not the only one that has had suicide cross their mind because of their lack of financial hope. I’m here to tell you that there is hope and it abundantly. The goal is to tell your money what to do, not for it to tell you what you have to do

My wife Vicki and I took Dave’s “Financial Peace University” back when we were dating and managed to go totally debt free in our first year of marriage. Our lives and marriage have been all the better because of it. We RARELY have an argument about money. Since there is no tension or blame regarding debt we can communicate openly about where we can best spend our money.

In the interest of full disclosure we have incurred some debt recently. I had eye surgery, the total of which was over $11,000 (no insurance at the time). We had half of that in savings and thanks to a very generous, interest free loan from Vicki’s grandparents we didn’t have to put the balance on a credit card (saving anywhere from 18 to 22%) And, when I found myself without a vehicle to drive last week we took out a small auto loan from our Credit Union to get a little more reliable car with the baby on the way next month.

Having said that… I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not be in a house, driving the nicest car I’ve ever owned (its only 6 yrs old instead of 12yrs) or be in a position of strength instead of weakness, in these troubled times, if it weren’t for the lessons of Dave Ramsey, the encouragement of Craig Groeschel’s sermons, and the great money management of my wife! The goal for us wasn’t so much to be completely debt free but to have financial freedom and peace. Here are Dave’s 7 Baby Steps, and here’s how we did it:

• One Bank Account (For the married) No compromise. If each of you have a separate checking account then you have trust issues and you’ll never get on the same page financially or emotionally.
• Get serious You got in this mess by doing what you’ve always done, to get out- you have to decide to do life differently. Own your debt, take responsibility for changing your life so that you can get out of the hole. Eating out, lattes, clubbing, iTunes, whatever it is that steals your “margin,” cut it out.
• Start Tithing 10% off the top. It shows God you’re serious and he’ll begin to honor your efforts. I promise. The Three Month Tithing Challenge
• Put $1000 in an Emergency Savings Account and pray that God keeps things from breaking so you don’t have to use it. The problem with life is that things come up and stuff breaks down. However, nothing is as big of an emergency if you have money set aside to deal with the unexpected.
• Build your budget. “Spend every dime on paper before the month begins.” Write down all the places you have to spend money during the month (including splurges) and fill up the slots until you have no more money left. This shows you where ever bit of your paycheck is going. If you didn’t budget enough in one area take it from another slot so you’ll always know where the money is coming from and where its going out.
• Pay the Smallest Bills First Dave calls this the “Debt Snowball” Here’s how it works: Pay only the minimum balance on all your bills except the smallest. The idea is that you pay off the smallest bill first then take the money that was going to that debtor and start giving it to the next biggest debt. Then to the next so that you’re bills never increase but you increase your power to pay with each debt you pay off. The point of doing it this way is to gain success over the situation, not getting, potentially, bogged down in paying the highest interest rates first on a loan that may be the most daunting to get payed off.
• Start Saving Get 6 months of expenses in the bank. Life feels a lot different when you aren’t stressing over the number of days until your next check to get the light bill paid. Once you’ve got some money in the bank its worth more to you. You start thinking about where its going rather than making interest in your account. Start budgeting in giving, mission trips, being generous in the creative ways God puts on your heart. It gets FUN fast!

My work life took on a whole new dynamic when I wasn’t afraid of loosing my job for saying something unpopular. Being able to speak my mind (not be rude), give my honest opinion when asked, and not being afraid of cutbacks or layoffs. Once you get to the point where you can wait tables or flip burgers to pay your bills you know you’ve earned your freedom. Speaking of.. delivering pizza or selling a bunch of your junk on Craigslist on top of the job you have now may get you to that place a whole lot quicker.

More Resources:

DaveRamsey.com
The Mind Your Own Business series
Couples Resource Center
How to be Rich

Be assured there is no situation that is too dire to climb out of. More reading…