I don’t know how to do it. Over the past few weeks things have been weighing heavy. A family member misunderstood something I said and made it sound like I was being unfair, then I find out other family members are feuding, There is something wrong with every car I have, the lawn mower is broken and the weeds are taking over. It just seems like every direction I turn things are harder than they need to be. Projects are pulling my free time to pieces. Oh my, crap there is no time to be healthy or workout. The house is falling apart… It all weighs heavy on the spirit, I actually feel shorter.
We’re having a baby (no, that’s a GREAT thing) and Vicki and I have been closer than ever, but the world seems to be falling apart around us. I’ve started to listen/read the bible more and pray as often as I think about it (though it hasn’t been very structured). What else do I need to read? Do I need to start giving more time or money? I’d like to reboot, start over and do things right but then reality sets in and I feel trapped by having to live in the skin I’m in. I’ve found myself looking for ways to escape. I’m playing more Playstation and other more dangerous drugs.
Really, there’s nothing I’d rather have than a great relationship with God and to live correctly in what he has for me. I know that would give me a peace that would carry me through anything. But these days when someone asks, “Hey, how’s it going?” my face drops and I just can’t lie.
I think the key this time is that I’ve told my wife, that things are not going well (not voluntarily, it came out in a bad way, but we talked it out and she knows now). Typically I would hold on to that and plow through like a man. This time I gave it up and was honest, like a Man!
This morning I couldn’t stand it any more, I got up and started to write this. I felt like I needed to get the Audio version of “Walking with God,” John Eldrege. I haven’t listened to music in a long time, I got my iPod and found “podcasts” I like to be learning while I’m stuck in my truck. I think I need what’s in this book. At least I know I need what the title offers, I’ll let you know if it helps.
8 Comments
Bert Thanks for sharing. It’s good to know that God will have different people on the same path. I’m walking right beside you man. At my job things are amazing. God is working through me and amazing things are happening. But in my personal life things are different. Not that my life is caving down or worst case scenario stuff is happening. It’s all the little stuff that keeps piling up with a couple of big things carelessly thrown on top of the pile. I think the key to getting through all of this is knowing your not alone and you have a the body of Christ to lean on. Let some brothers and sisters help you carry your burdens. You need a lawn mower? I have three. You can have it.
There are all sorts of stuff we can help each other with. Let me know if I can help.
I am with you too brother.
First thing that comes to mind - “… Nothing seems to be working. And now it dawns on me - who would have a vested interest in thwarting the progress of _________? Who would be delighted to distract me for a month, let alone a day? Who would want to distort my thinking just enough to diminish the beauty…” (Walking with God, Eldredge)
So who wants to derail you and what God has call you to do in your life, your work and your ministries?
Second is, “Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. 2 Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law.” Galatians 6:1-2
This is one of our purposes. Let me know what I can do, accept what is offered and be prepaired for some heavy lifting.
You know I got your back, and I’m not the only one.
I love you and your wife dearly. I know a season can last forever. I, myself, am in one of those seasons right now, when its good it goes by fast and when it is not so good it seems to last forever. I have to remember that when everything is breaking, falling apart, or not working out right, as long as I am focused on God, there are great things that are happening and I just may not be able to see them yet.
I am excited to see what great things God has in store for you and Vicki. You are passionate in your quest and your voice still reaches. God has used you many times in my life to encourage, and give direction. I am with you, warrior, ready to fight by your side, for if God is for us who can be against us.
so I’ve had a bit more time to think, and I think it needs to be said that we are not “done”. I know a fellow who went to see a Christian counselor about his moral failing (sexual addiction). After months and months of counseling he received a certificate of graduation - “here’s a piece of paper, now you are fixed.” No wonder he fell again - as soon as we believe we are fixed or we are enough we open the door for the enemy to come and go as he pleases (and boy does he please to trample our floors).
So I’m not planning on being done until I meet my Savior in heaven. As the Ransom Heart crew yells over and over - we are in a battle! I consider it an honor to fight next to you brother!
Aww shucks you guys are just the best
You are all right, we’re all in this together, we’re all under attack, we’re not finished projects. Life seems confusing sometimes, whether its God not allowing us to see the next steps or Satan trying to cloud the battlefield, it happens.
I’ve actually done the hard part of this funk and I’m on the downhill side of it (That’s not to say I haven’t been given a big boost by you guys commenting I appreciate it more than you know). I posted because I didn’t want everything here to be all sweet and happy. The past couple of weeks have been very good (vacation, seeing old friends) and oppressive and confusing at the same time. I want guys to know that its not all good times. Life sucks some days/weeks/months.
Like John says in “Walking with God,” our biggest problem is that we think that life is an equation: Believe in Jesus + Don’t Sin = God makes life easy. As I am learning, the process should be: Believe in Jesus, get close to Jesus, God gets close to you.
Proud to be brothers with you guys. John 1:12
Thanks Jason for the mower offer. I was able to get a loaner to cut the grass tonight, mine goes in the shop ASAP.
Wow. Sucks to be you. It could be worse.(grin)
Oh, Jimmy you do speak volumes.
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