The problem with writing a blog like this is that you can’t mention that you’re going through a rough patch and then not follow up on it to let readers know what’s going on. Ok, so here’s my follow up. There’s a new leak in the roof, our savings are at a 2 year low, and I haven’t heard from the family…
However, I’m doing much better in my spirit. Here’s what I’ve done to bring about some change:
I talked to my wife, actually, we had a big confrontation that ended up with me getting real about a lot of stuff I’ve been holding in. One of the comments that I think triggered some change was, “I think we should forget about being married and work on being honest with each other.” It was in the context that we’d been “weather proofing” the other from our feelings about things (mostly me) and I wanted/needed her to know what was going on in my head. We talked it all the way through to some steps to take to change.
I’ve also taken the opportunity to go into deeper conversation with friends. A couple of guys called when they read the first post and I swallowed my pride and let them share what I was going through. I think the Bible calls that “Bearing one another’s burdens,” and you don’t know what it fully means until you start letting others help you with yours. Typically we only take other’s burdens we don’t want to give ours, that only opens us up to half the blessing (there’s a sermon in there somewhere).
One of those steps is that I’ve started meeting with God in the mornings, at least for now I’m inviting him and I’m reading the Bible. I think I’m hearing from him but I’m not sure, I’m trusting that I’ll be walking on faith for a while and then at some point he’ll confirm it. Its odd that I can trust him for my salvation but I don’t trust him to care about my life. After all why would he care to “save” me if he didn’t like me?
As a result I’ve found the ability to be thankful 1. that we had the ability to get debt free a few years ago and now we’ve had the money to pay for a majority of the car repairs (about $2300 $3000 so far). 2. We were able to take a great vacation with old friends and recharge. 3. I work for some great people, there are much worse ways to make a living. There are more but I won’t gush. Suffice it to say: I can see the good side.
Next, Like I said in the last post, I started reading (listening) to Walking with God, by John Eldredge. Its one of those books that as you read it you start thinking of the people you’re going to buy it for. It is quickly climbing the charts as one of the most important books I’ve ever read. I’ll give you a book report when I’m done.
Lastly, One of the steps Vicki and I discussed was me getting back in with a group of men to meet with regularly. We’re really tight with our couple’s “lifegroup” and for the past little while I’ve been counting the guys in there as my “Men’s Group.” That doesn’t work. Conversation with them is typically in front of the ladies and doesn’t get to the core where it should. Even when we do have a deeper discussion its not often enough to keep after the issues and they fade rather than getting dealt with.
Thanks for the update Bert. But more than that, thanks for taking the risk to be real, it is quite unusual as you well know.
I am always quick to think myself a “whiner” when I attempt to take that risk myself so then I step back. The old habits are difficult to break and it is surprising when I realize I am listening to voices other than the Creator telling me who I am (whether they be family, the enemy, co-workers, or even myself).
His strength
Someone else said it much better than I ever could…
” 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him–a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
There is some truth to that, who’d a thunk it